Harry Potter and the Mother of All Clichés
by hasapi
Summary: [WIP] Harry Potter is being beaten by the Dursleys, Hermione gets beeootiful, Hogwarts gets a transfer from Beauxbatons AND Durmstrang AND..., Draco turns over a new leaf, dances galore, and no one can figure out whether Blaise Zabini is a boy or a girl.
1. PreStory Author's Note

**_Pre-Story Author's Note_**

Hello again! My name is hasapi. Nope, no Caps. Anyway, this is my latest story. It's primarily humor, so don't be offended at anything I say in here. I'm basically taking all the clichés that I don't much like and putting all of them together while at the same time attempting to make it humorous. This is not meant to offend anyone and I apologize if it does so. I am simply looking for humor here. :D

**T**his is primarily humor, with plot help from PhoenixRae. If you haven't read her fics, you should. She writes mainly Draco/Ginny, although she does have some Draco/Hermione and recently a Harry/Hermione. Okay, so maybe after she reads this she won't want to be associated with it, seeing how ridiculous it is, but whatever. 

I write mainly Draco/Hermione, although I have recently been writing a lot of Draco/Ginny. I also write Harry/Pansy and Ginny/Neville (although for the latter I haven't posted any yet).

Okay, I'm writing this thing, and it's kind of getting more ridiculous by the minute… Er, yeah… So, don't read it unless you're sure you can take it. And I don't really think that PhoenixRae will want to be associated with it. Nope. I don't think so.****

**Rating:** PG-13 (I really, really mean it here!)

**Disclaimer to apply for all chapters:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.


	2. Blushing, Fainting, and Overall Sputteri...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Harry Potter lay in his bed in a cupboard, sleeping restlessly, occasionally calling out in his sleep for something that wasn't there. He suddenly jolted awake, gasping and clutching his scar. "I have to get out of here!" he said to himself.

Quickly the beleaguered boy took out a paper clip and got out of the room, muttering inanely to himself. He grabbed his trunk and his broomstick, performing a weightless charm on the trunk so that he could carry it. Dumbledore had given him permission to use magic that summer at the Dursleys. The poor boy quickly flew to the Weasleys on his fast broomstick, a new-model Firebolt that had cost a good chunk of his vault, some 10,000 galleons worth.

"Ron!" Harry said, tapping on his friend's window. The red-headed boy quickly opened the window, letting his best friend in. "Voldemort's going to attack the Dursleys' house; I had to come!"

"What about the Dursleys then?" Ron asked, his sleepy blue eyes looking quite sleepy. 

Harry shrugged. "I don't care; they were beating me, did you know?"

"You never said anything!" Ron said, shocked.

"Oh." Harry scratched his head. "Huh. Must have slipped my mind."

Ron stared blankly for a second before jerking out of his stupor and letting Harry use the bed while he prepared a blanket for himself on the floor.

~ ~ ~

Hermione Granger walked onto Platform 9 ¾ with a smile on her face, ecstatic to finally be back on the Hogwarts Express. She walked right up to the cabin where she knew her friends to be and walked in. "Hi Harry!" she said. "H-h-hi, R-ron," she smiled nervously, twirling her hair around her finger and biting her nails. "H-h-h-how are you d-d-d-d-doing?"

"Oh, n-nothing m-m-much," Ron stuttered, blushing and looking at the floor, the ceiling, and finally her bosom area before blushing again and looking at the ceiling.

"Harry, how are you?" Hermione said, jumping on the opportunity to speak with her best friend, her chocolate brown eyes nervously twitching.

"Fine…" he said.

The unbearable silence lasted for a good five minutes before someone entered the room. "Oh! Excuse-moi, je suis l'exchange étudiante!" said a girl with a delicious French accent.

"C'est ça va," Hermione replied, a smile on her face. 

"Hermione, I didn't know you knew French!" Harry exclaimed.

"Oh, yes," Hermione smiled. "I also learned Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Greek, German, Latin, Japanese, and Chinese last summer."

Harry blinked.

"Ah! You know zee wonderful language La-tan?" the French girl asked. She obviously was very knowledgeable in fashion. Harry stared at her, his emerald green eyes becoming dreamy. 

"Oui!" Hermione said.

Ginny Weasley suddenly entered the compartment, her fiery red hair scooped on top of her head. "Oh hello!" she said. "How are you all doing? I'm just making a few rounds. Have any of you seen the Head Boy?"

Hermione frowned. "No, I haven't. And do you know who made Head Girl?"

"I did," Ginny smiled.

Hermione frowned again. "But you're in sixth year."

"No I'm not, didn't you hear? I was moved up a year thanks to my success in my studies."

Hermione scratched her head. "Nope, doesn't ring a bell."

"Huh. Well, I made Head Girl and they didn't tell me who Head Boy was. Can you imagine?" Ginny asked.

"Nope," Hermione agreed.

"Je suis l'exhange etudiante!" the French girl exclaimed again.

"Oui, je sais," Hermione muttered.

"I'm Ginny, the Head Girl," Ginny said, holding her hand out to the new girl. "Good luck on your sorting. Hope you get into Gryffindor. It's by far the best of the Houses. Well, I must be off! If you see the Head Boy, tell him I'm looking for him." She flounced off out the door.

Silence reigned for another five minutes.

"So," Harry said. No one said anything. "So," he tried again. Still nothing. "Alright. G'night." And he laid his head against the seat and went to sleep. Within two minutes he was snoring.

~ ~ ~

There were a shocking number of first years to be sorted, and when they were finally done, there were two students left standing.

"We have two exchange students this year," Dumbledore announced. "One from Durmstrang and one from Beauxbatons. The one from Beauxbatons may be sorted first."

As soon as the hat was placed upon the blonde girl's head, it shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

The table cheered excitedly, the boys much more than the girls, all drooling over her, and the girls watching her with narrowed eyes. They would have to keep a close watch on their boyfriends, they knew. 

The exchange student from Durmstrang looked very sad and had a seemingly permanent frown attached to his face. "SLYTHERIN!" the Hat shouted seconds before it would have been placed on the boy's head. He walked slowly to the table, which cheered half-heartedly. 

Dumbledore stood again. "I would like to introduce this year's Head Boy and Girl. The Head Girl, I am pleased to announce, is Miss Ginny Weasley." Ginny stood, the Gryffindor table cheering loudly. "And the Head Boy," Ginny looked around, her eyes narrowed, realizing that she still didn't know who he was. Dumbledore continued, "is Mister Draco Malfoy." Ginny's mouth dropped open as the Head Boy stood up, smirking, and the Slytherin table cheered loudly. She suddenly fainted, falling in almost slow-motion. Draco dashed all the way across the room, catching her just before she hit the ground.

The whole hall stared. And stared. Then Dumbledore clapped his hands, the food appeared, and life went on as usual.

~ ~ ~

Hermione stepped into the Potions classroom, sensing doom with every step she took. "Miss Granger!" Snape called. She looked at him, her chocolate brown eyes taking on a dreamy appearance at the sight of the Potions Master. Ah…

"Miss Granger!" he called again. "You will be paired with Mister Uranus." Only he said it 'your-anus.' Hermione blushed a deep red, fainting. Mister Uranus caught her seconds before she hit the ground, cradling her in his arms and murmuring soft, meaningless words of comfort to the poor, beleaguered girl. 

She came to within seconds, resting her hand on her rescuer's face. "Ah…" she said. "What is your name?" she asked suddenly.

"My name ees Tyler," he said.

"Tyler," she murmured. 

"Miss Granger!" Snape shouted. "Detention at nine! Tonight! And tomorrow! And come to think of it, the day after tomorrow as well!"

"Of course, professor," Hermione murmured, batting her eyelashes at him. Snape sputtered incoherently, although the careful observer could see the barely contained flush that covered his face and the sudden tightness of his robe.

Hermione took her place next to Tyler, her leg sneaking over to play footsie with his. She winked at him suggestively, mouthing, "Tonight at ten, Astronomy Tower."

He looked extremely happy suddenly and licked his lips. The lesson was short, as the constant batting of Hermione's eyelashes quickly reduced Professor Snape to sputtering incoherently and slipping his elbow in the butter on the wall he always seemed to be leaning against. 

Ginny and Draco, who had of course been paired together for the Potions project that Snape had assigned, spent the duration of the short lesson glaring at each other, although the careful observer could tell that Draco's robes were uncomfortably tight around his hips. 

Harry and the Beauxbatons exchange student had also been paired together, and Harry spent the duration of the short lesson staring dreamily at the French girl, who in turn batted her eyelashes at the handsome Boy Who Lived. 

Ron, paired with the poor, unsuspecting Millicent Bulstrode, spent the duration of the lesson attempting to get into her pants.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~


	3. Professor Polder's Pitiful Part

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ginny walked into her common room, a flounce in her step. Well, not really a _flounce_, as that would probably hinder her walking, but she seemed to be bouncing, not really walking. Or maybe gliding? Yes, she was gliding. 

Ginny glided into her common room, a…

Nope. Never mind. 

Ginny walked into her common room, a flounce in her step. Draco Malfoy was sitting on the sofa, staring into the fire morosely. "Draco!" she exclaimed, rushing over to him. "Are you alright?"

"What do you care?" he asked sadly. Then he sniffled.

Ginny hopped onto the couch and brought his head to her bosom. Although normally Draco would scoff at being touched so by a _Weasley, he immediately forgot this as soon as his head touched her bosom. He let out another sniffle, smiling inwardly when she held him even closer. "Oh, Draco…"_

"My father wants me to become a Death Eater!" he wailed, suddenly overcome with the hopelessness of it all. "I don't wanna!" he sobbed. 

"There, there…" Ginny murmured, stroking his head.

"I never really meant it when I teased you about everything," he cried. "I was only doing what my daddy told me to! All I ever wanted was his love!"

"Shh. It's alright," Ginny said. She suddenly became aware of a growing hardness by her foot. "Draco?" she asked, frowning.

He blushed. "Ignore it," he muttered. "It has a mind of its own."

Ginny nodded. "Of course."

~ ~ ~

Hermione glided—yes, glided—into the dungeons for her detention with Professor Snape. "Hello, Professor," she murmured, a small smile on her face.

Snape sputtered incoherently. 

Hermione suddenly pushed her professor onto his desk and proceeded to snog him mercilessly.

Pulling away from her fiery kisses, Severus gasped, "But Miss Granger—"

"Call me Hermione," she giggled, effectively silencing any further protests.

~ ~ ~

Harry sat down in the common room, thinking. He knew that he had to push his friends away. He couldn't afford to let them get hurt by Voldemort.

The exchange student attempted to sit down beside him. 

"Go away," he muttered, trying not to look at her.

"But 'arry!" she exclaimed, looking hurt.

"Just…go," he said, his heart breaking.

"'arry," the French girl proclaimed, "if zees iz about zat 'orrible Yu-Know-Who, zen I demand zat you forget about eet. I can take care of myself, zank you very much. Now come 'ere," she demanded, cradling him in her arms. Harry didn't push her away again.

~ ~ ~

Hermione walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, wondering idly who the teacher was.

A robust woman walked into the room, her large hips swaying with every step. Neville Longbottom fainted. No one caught him.

"My name is Professor Polder. I am your da-da instructor." A few students giggled. "Now I want all of you to turn to the person next to you and give them a big kiss!"

The students stared, shocked. Hermione glanced to the seat next to her. It was Ron. She raised a brow at the other students—none of whom were moving—and leaned over, giving Ron a snog worth remembering. The other students quickly followed her example, including Ginny and Draco, Harry and the French girl, and Oliver and Percy, who for some reason had decided to return to Hogwarts and get back into seventh year.

After everyone had given their neighbor a kiss, Professor Polder beamed at the room. "Now don't you all feel wonderful? Who can tell me the definition of—"

"I know!" Hermione yelled, raising her hand.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" the professor asked.

"It is a very short, stout creature who cannot bend backwards and enjoys eating cupcakes," she said wisely.

"Very good, Miss Granger," Professor Polter smiled. "Fifty points to Gryffindor."

Hermione beamed. 

The rest of the lesson passed very quickly, Hermione answering the professor's questions before she had a chance to ask them. By the time the lesson was over, Gryffindor was up nearly five hundred and fifty-seven points, having lost three when Neville fell over. 

While they were walking to their next class, Draco came up to Hermione and got right in her face and said, "Mudblood."

Harry, who until this point had been staring dreamily at the French girl, and Ron, who had been standing idly by doing nothing, both jumped at Draco, beating him to a bloody pulp. Hermione gasped. "Harry! Ron! You're going to get in trouble!"

"Noooooooo!" Ginny yelled, running up to Draco. "You poor, poor thing," she whispered, cradling his head in her lap. She looked up at her brother, tears running down her face. "How could you do such a thing to such a poor boy?" she asked. "His father beats him enough—you don't have to do it too!"

Harry blinked. Ron fainted.

"I forgot to tell you guys," Hermione said suddenly, as Ron was just waking up again. "I'm dating Professor Snape."

Ron fainted again, though this time he was caught by Blaise Zabini, who cradled him in her arms and kissed him on his forehead. Harry screeched. In response to Hermione's announcement, not Blaise's overtures toward Ron.

"Hermione, dude, I don't know what you're talking about but you gotta loosen up, baby," a voice came from the sidelines.

"Who are you?" Hermione asked, looking quite perturbed.

"I'm a character the author has thrown in because she has something called writer's block, and so, out of options, she has thrown me into it."

Hermione blinked. "Right," she said.

"I will be sorted tonight at dinner, and will most likely be sorted into Gryffindor, as I am so cute and adorable."

"You're a guy."

"I'm handsome and all the chicks love me," he corrected.

"Right," Hermione said again.

***

That night at dinner, the mysterious boy who had turned up in the hallway was sitting at the Head table.

"Tonight," Dumbledore declared, his eyes twinkling like firecrackers, "we have a new student with us. He is a transfer student from Australia. We also have a transfer from the States. They are both transferring into seventh year for reasons I am not allowed to disclose but which I hear have to do with the survival of the Wizarding world."

All the students blinked.

Professor McGonagall carried the Sorting Hat and the stool out into the Great Hall and set them down, motioning to the mysterious boy to sit. "GRYFFINDOR!" the hat shouted the second it was placed on his head.

The stern professor than motioned to the other student, a girl with bleach blonde hair and bubble-gum in her mouth, to sit. The second the hat was placed upon her head, it yelled "GRYFFINDOR!"

"Hiya!" she said perkily the second she sat down at the Gryffindor table. "Ah'm from Texas, or Down South. Ah'm right lookin' fohwahd to gettin' ta know y'all!"

Harry blinked, narrowed his eyes, and turned back to the French girl before proceeding to snog her senseless.

Ron stared dreamily after Professor McGonagall, hoping to catch a glimpse under her robes.

Hermione just sat in her seat, completely knowledgeable of all the stares she was getting from the students—and a few of the teachers as well. She was, after all, a beauty.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A/N: I think this might be getting more ridiculous. I'll be noting the clichés and the just plain ridiculous things down here…

** The transfer student from America is the embodiment of all transfer students from America: perky, bubblegum-chewing, difficult-to-decipher-accent, blonde-haired, and a Gryffindor.

** The transfer student from Australia is simply the embodiment of what all authors do when they have writer's block, or perhaps just a problem (that would be me): add another character whose presence makes no sense.

** Poor Draco. He gets beat up by Ron and Harry for no reason, he's been abused by his father, he doesn't want to be a Death Eater, and he's lusted after and loved Ginny for as long as he can remember but wasn't able to show it for fear of his father.

** Dumbledore's poor eyes twinkle so much I'm afraid they might explode one of these days.

** What is with the extravagant amount of points given and taken by professors in fanfics? Professor Snape took ONE POINT from Harry in the first book for not knowing the answers—not ten or fifteen or twenty. *shakes head disbelievingly*

** All the new students go into Gryffindor, don't they? Well, unless they have an evil look to them or someone has a bad feeling about them. Then they're in Slytherin. Whatever happened to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw? 

** Poor Ron faints whenever he finds out something about Hermione and Snape or Ginny and Draco. 

** Impossible feats, eh? Who has a FLOUNCE in his/her step when he/she walks? What on earth IS a flounce, anyway?

** Hermione only stops fights because Harry and Ron could get in trouble.

** Ginny is always worried about Draco.

** Everyone cries at the drop of a hat, especially the girls and the Nice!Draco. 


	4. Midnight Broom Rides and a Halloween Bal...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was all over the school by sundown—Professor Dumbledore had been overheard announcing to the staff by an unknown source that the next week—which just happened to be Halloween—there was going to be a Halloween Ball! Ginny Weasley was in her room, which she had gotten specially because she was Head Girl. She was very proud of it—and who wouldn't be? It was nearly as large as the Great Hall and in red and gold, so bright Ginny was surprised she hadn't gone blind. 

She was, as is often the case with our beautiful heroines, staring out the window, contemplating the future of the Wizarding world, which looked quite horrid at the moment. "Poor Draco," she sighed, a tear dropping onto the essay she was supposed to be working on for Professor Snape. He was so conflicted, and it nearly tore her heart in two—but she couldn't let him know any of that. If he knew she cared about him, he would laugh at her and Ron would hate her. 

Quite suddenly, she was jerked out of her thoughts when someone on a broom appeared outside her window. She gasped—it was Draco! "What are you doing?" she whispered. 

He grinned mischievously at her, motioning for her get on the broom. Normally she would never obey the commands of such an arrogant boy, but the sight of Draco in tight leather pants and a silk shirt made her mind go to mush. She climbed on the broom precariously, knowing that he was a skilled flyer and would no doubt catch her if she fell. "Oh, Draco," she sighed, leaning back against him.

Draco breathed in the scent of her cinnamon-colored hair. It smelled like peaches, apples, oranges, and—was that chocolate? "Ginny," he sighed. 

They flew around the castle, right by Professor McGonagall's bedroom window. But of course, she did not wake up because all the teachers take five sedatives before they get into bed to make sure they do not interrupt any student's trysts by waking up at the wrong time. However, when they flew by Professor Dumbledore's bedroom window, he waved merrily at them, not docking any house points at all. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, Hermione and the Durmstrang exchange student, Tyler, were in the Astronomy Tower, snogging to their hearts' content. "Ah, 'Er-my-knee, you are so beautiful," he sighed.

Hermione burst into tears. 

Tyler looked shocked, but promptly pulled her into his arms—hadn't she already been there?—and rubbed her back. "My dear, what es the matter?"

"How can you tell me I'm beautiful when I'm really so utterly ugly?" she wailed.

"But you are beautiful!"

"Don't tell such lies," she sobbed. 

Tyler said nothing, but continued rubbing her back. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw two other students beginning their own tryst. He shrugged it off. 

By the time Hermione stopped crying, it was almost morning, and Tyler was fast asleep. She shook him, and he woke up immediately, having no morning breath or squeaky voice. It was just something about those Durmstrang students, she supposed. 

"'Er-my-knee, are you all right now?"

She sniffed, but nodded, and they proceeded to finish what they had been doing before she began crying.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One week later on Halloween, all of the girls were rushing around, getting ready for the wonderful Halloween Ball their Headmaster had announced. 

"Oh, Hermione!" Ginny sighed. "I cannot believe you didn't think to get a dress before this! Now we've no time at all to go to Hogsmeade!"

Hermione, tossing her sleek, mahogany-colored hair, said, "I don't see why I need to get all dressed up."

"It's a ball!" Ginny exclaimed. "Parvati! Lavender!" she called. The two appeared, immaculately dressed and coiffed, from behind their respective bed curtains. "I need help—we must make Hermione beautiful!"

"But—" Hermione tried to interrupt, but was quickly sedated by the immense amount of hair spray being directed her way.

Five and a half hours later, Lavender wiped her brow. "Oh, thank goodness you were here," she said, directing her comment towards the French girl, who had appeared nearly five hours earlier. "I don't know how we would have figured out what to get her to wear."

"Oh, yes," Parvati said, nodding. "It's simply wonderful that you know so much about fashion!"

"Ah, eet iz nut-ing," the French girl replied, waving a manicured hand delicately in the air. 

Ginny glanced at Hermione, who was unconscious in her chair in front of the mirror. "Do you think we should wake her?" Ginny asked.

"Yes, definitely," Lavender said, nodding. "However, I believe I will head to the common room first, don't you, Parvati?"

Both girls disappeared faster than one could mutter, "Quidditch," which Ginny did. The French girl, too, had mysteriously disappeared. Ginny sighed. "_Ennervate."_

Hermione awoke to an empty room. She looked at her reflection and gasped, nearly going under again. She looked like a bloody clown! Well, not a _bloody_ clown, but she looked like a clown! 

The mirror chuckled at her expression. "Deary, what's the matter? You look simply gorgeous."

"Oh, do shut up," Hermione hissed. She gasped as she glanced at the clock. Merlin's knickers! It was only ten minutes until the ball began—she didn't have time to change at all. She hurried down the stairs, ignoring the many thumps that came upon her entrance from boys simply overwhelmed by her beauty. 

"Hermione," the gum-snapping American said, pronouncing her name 'Her-me-own,' "Would ya care to come down ta the Great 'All wit me? Ah'm afraid Ah don't have a date."

Hermione, though startled, said, "Of course," feeling it was her duty to escort any dateless girls to the ball. 

As soon as the two entered the Great Hall, they were promptly swept away by those men simply waiting to grab hold of them. "Professor!" Hermione gasped, as they danced the mambo, quickly clearing out any competition. "I didn't know you could dance!"

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me," Professor Snape replied devilishly, leaning down to kiss her senseless. 

"Father!" a girl yelled. The music stopped abruptly, and it was suddenly very quiet. A girl, about seventeen years old, ran across the dance floor and threw herself at Professor Snape. "Father, it's you! I knew it would be!"

Hermione fainted, thought she was skillfully caught by Professor Snape, despite the seventeen year old girl hanging off his front. That girl pulled away, saying, to a very quiet and curious crowd, "My name is Alicia Rhianna Lillian Emerald Willamette Snape." She brushed back her unruly black hair, continuing, "I've been living in a Muggle orphanage for nearly sixteen years, ever since my mother was murdered by Voldemort."

Half the crowd fainted at the sound of Voldemort's name, the other half catching them. Blaise Zabini looked quite happy with two girls in his arms. 

"No, Ally," Snape put a restraining hand on his daughter's arm. "You must not tell them."

"I must and I will," she said, straightening to her full height of approximately six feet, her emerald green eyes flashing. "My mother was Lily Evans, my father is Severus Snape, and I have a twin brother whose name is Harry."

There was a terrified scream quickly identified as Harry Potter's, who, though seemingly slow, had promptly understood that everything he had known for years was now wrong! Severus Snape was his father! And he had a twin sister! Ron, meanwhile, had fallen to the floor, unable to move or make a single sound. 

Snape dashed to his son, who was looking very overwhelmed while the entire crowd of third years on upwards (though there were very many first and second years, who had easily snuck into the party despite the many wards in place because they are all incredibly smart) watched the display. "Harry," he said, placing a hand on his son's arm. "Son, I am so sorry I couldn't tell you sooner, but if I had the Dark Lord would have killed you, my last link to my wonderful, wonderful wife, Lily."

Harry blinked. "But he already wanted to kill me."

Snape put a hand over his eyes, facing away from Harry. He said, with a barely restrained sob, "But he would have wanted to kill you more!"

"Oh, Severus," Hermione said, who had luckily regained consciousness just in the nick of time, and dashed over to hug the professor. "It's all right, dearest, I'm here now!"

"Attention!" Professor Dumbledore called, standing at the Head Table. "Alicia Snape will be attending Hogwarts from now on, despite the fact that up until this point she has had no Wizarding schooling whatsoever." His eyes twinkled merrily as he continued, "Minerva! Would you please fetch the Sorting Hat?"

However, Minerva, goddess that she was, had already known that the Sorting Hat would be needed, and appeared in less than five seconds with the Hat and stool in hand. She placed the stool down and set the Hat upon the tall girl's head.

"Ah, yes," the Sorting Hat said in Ally's ear. She nearly jumped, having not known much of Wizarding devices until this very moment. "Plenty of courage, that's for sure. And a thirst to prove yourself… Oh, my, you would do very well in Slytherin, wouldn't you? But such a wonderful mind, I would hate to put it in the company of such filth—and such talent!"

'Er, excuse me,' Ally thought hard in the direction of the Sorting Hat. 'Where's my brother?'

"Harry? He is in Gryffindor… Which, I believe, is just where I'll put you!

"GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat shouted. A short silence, followed by loud clapping from almost every direction, given that all of the students were freely mixing with everyone else. 

"We've got Ally, we've got Ally!" The Weasley twins, who had, for some extremely odd and unknown reason, decided to forget their dreams of owning their own joke shop and stay in seventh year until all their siblings were graduated. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Meanwhile, in a secluded garden on the far side of the castle, a garden which not even Filch, the smarmy git, knew about, there sat two people, simply staring at the stars. Ginny, who was one of those people, sighed. She and Draco—who was the other person—had had to dance together for the first five dances because they were the Head Boy and Girl. 

"And that one," Draco said, pointing above them, "is Draconis."

Ginny nodded, squinting. Although she was the smartest in the entire castle, Astronomy was simply beyond her and she was grateful that Draco had offered to help her learn the stars and their constellations, or she knew she would fail the class. 

"Oh, Draco," she sighed, placing her hand in his. 

"Ginny, dearest," Draco said, rolling over and looking deeply into her eyes, "if my father finds out about us, he will kill you. We must keep our relationship a secret."

"But I wanted to tell all my friends about you!" Ginny said, her eyes filling with tears. 

"Oh, so you like dating a million gad-zillionaire, is that it? You don't care about _me?"_

Ginny looked alarmed, placing a hand on his arm. "Oh, of course not, Draco! I care about you!" She looked away suddenly. 

"Oh, Ginny! You care about me?" Draco asked.

"Of course I do, can't you tell? I nearly faint whenever you touch me."

"You should have said something," Draco said matter-of-factly.

"Well I didn't realize you were so dense," Ginny snapped.

"Don't be made, Ginny-Winny," Draco said, rubbing her cheek.

"I love it when you call me that," she sighed. 

Quite suddenly, Draco was bodily heaved off of Ginny and thrown to the ground, tackled by a red-headed tornado. "Don't you ever call her 'Ginny-Winny'!"

Ginny gasped. "Ron, no!" She ran forward, easily throwing her brother, who probably weighed fifty pounds more than she did and was nearly a foot taller, off her boyfriend, who was busy gasping for breath and rolling on the floor, even though he was two inches taller than Ron. 

"Oh, Draco," she gasped, kissing his wounds while Ron groaned. Why on earth had he ever taught her to punch?

And while Ginny was kissing Draco's wounds, and Harry, Ally, and Snape were staring at each other, attempting to figure out what to say, Minerva and Albus prepared to get into bed for a bit of hanky-panky before going to sleep.


End file.
